emotion broadcaster

today was father's day. father's day blows.
i have never bought a father's day card or gotten the chance to say "hey dad, happy father's day". I don't even remember ever celebrating the day.
coming up without a father was/is quite complicated. i think about all of the things he will miss that dads are supposed to witness [childbirth,walking your daughter down the aisle,etc.etc.]and it just breaks my heart. I mean, why does he have to be gone completely? Why cant he just be away somewhere, somewhere far until i get older and i decide to want to have a relationship. I feel like i never even had a choice. it kills me now when i hear people speaking about how they don't need their fathers and how they would never talk to them again if it were up to them. Now don't get me wrong, i believe everyone has reasoning for what they feel, and i would be the last person to ever be cliche, but it's so true that you never really know what you have until it's gone. I mean honestly, if one didn't need a father in their life then wouldn't god have made it so that women can reproduce on their own?
Everyone needs two parents - point blank - period. There are certain things one can learn from their father and certain things one can learn from their mother - that's what makes us whole. And without it, you're left feeling like me - empty;


california love

with all of that being said, california couldn't be any sweeter. i absolutely love it here. i can really get used to the nice weather and all of the cute and not to mention young marine and navy men ;]
the only thing that is killing me is the shortage of family and friends. everything/everyone that i have ever known is in new jersey and it's hard adjusting to all of this craziness without them here. but although i miss em, i don't feel like it's way too intense for me or anything like that. I still feel okay. I guess i'm just so tired of all of that excess drama coming from where i'm from. you gotta get in where you fit in people. but yo - i gotta fly - later homes. =]