emotion broadcaster

today was father's day. father's day blows.
i have never bought a father's day card or gotten the chance to say "hey dad, happy father's day". I don't even remember ever celebrating the day.
coming up without a father was/is quite complicated. i think about all of the things he will miss that dads are supposed to witness [childbirth,walking your daughter down the aisle,etc.etc.]and it just breaks my heart. I mean, why does he have to be gone completely? Why cant he just be away somewhere, somewhere far until i get older and i decide to want to have a relationship. I feel like i never even had a choice. it kills me now when i hear people speaking about how they don't need their fathers and how they would never talk to them again if it were up to them. Now don't get me wrong, i believe everyone has reasoning for what they feel, and i would be the last person to ever be cliche, but it's so true that you never really know what you have until it's gone. I mean honestly, if one didn't need a father in their life then wouldn't god have made it so that women can reproduce on their own?
Everyone needs two parents - point blank - period. There are certain things one can learn from their father and certain things one can learn from their mother - that's what makes us whole. And without it, you're left feeling like me - empty;


california love

with all of that being said, california couldn't be any sweeter. i absolutely love it here. i can really get used to the nice weather and all of the cute and not to mention young marine and navy men ;]
the only thing that is killing me is the shortage of family and friends. everything/everyone that i have ever known is in new jersey and it's hard adjusting to all of this craziness without them here. but although i miss em, i don't feel like it's way too intense for me or anything like that. I still feel okay. I guess i'm just so tired of all of that excess drama coming from where i'm from. you gotta get in where you fit in people. but yo - i gotta fly - later homes. =]

thinking comes from not knowing

such a true statement; if you think about it - thinking does actually come from not knowing. one thinks something before one knows something, isn't that the way that we all are programmed? how many times have you told someone or even yourself i think this or i think that? plenty. but you never really know until you know. strange how that works.

in any case, im still living life to the fullest each and every day of my life, enjoying every minute because i know that i am out of here soon. my brother told me that my date is closer than what i think. i should be leaving in july. im gonna try to get him to reconsider that though because i would really appreciate spending my birthday in august with alot of the people that i have known my whole life. at least one last birthday, you know? i would really hate to have yet another wack bornday without the people that mean the most to me.

just thought i would vent.

im on my bronx flow right now with a few friends, and if i die tonight tell my family that i love them. until next time.

just listen

lady gaga is bomb. 

Howdy partners, it's me again. i mean who else would it be, this is my blog right?

But anyway -  today i found myself realizing some very interesting things. 
Why is it that people always try to project an image of themselves that is never totally truthful?
Why cant anyone be themselves these days? Has society fucked us all up so bad that we all want to be someone else? Think about it, isn't there someone in the world that you think about and you're like "man, i wish i had their life"?

The media talks everything up so much that we assume that others have better lives than the ones that we each live everyday, when in all reality, we're all the same(except some of us have more money than others)but we all go through the exact same issues. I mean even the happiest, richest people in the world wish they were someone else at one point or another. That's because it's normal to feel these things. We can never truly except and embrace the real us  with all that's going on in society today; how else would the world turn? How else would industries make money off of us if they didn't make us feel insecure about every little thing to the point that we feel that we have to change something? It's a shame what this word has come to. 

I always wish that I would've lived to see the 60s and 70s. Everyone seemed so free and peaceful,& so much has changed since then. It's unfortunate that we as human beings have these feelings and there's nothing we can do because its set up this way. We are programmed this way since birth-it's just sad that no one can see it when it's staring them right in the face. 

 I am going to conclude this entry now. I just had to get that out.  Until next time companions.

welcome to heartbreak

but why is kanye west the man like that again? wow. this song sends me in a zone. kanye west is about the only artist who can do that to me.

lately

How's it hanging guys? I haven't been on here in a while, but I'm back by popular demand. =] 

I am dedicating this blog to my good ol' pal vic since he loves these things oh so much; 

My life has been under some form of spiral effect lately - I feel like I'm on this cycle where I can't get off this track I been taking for two years; when I sit and really think about all things that go on in my life, I used to complain and argue about the exact same issues I have now. smh. It's quite a shame that I STILL can't find one person who I can sincerely trust and who can prove to me that the world isn't so fucked up - the world is supposed to be what you make of it though - isn't it?

whatever.

Oh yeah - I got some really interesting news the other day, I'm moving to California soon =] Yep, good ol' San Diego Cali.

I am pretty psyched about the whole idea too; I can finally get on the right track and do what I need to do for myself.  While in Jersey I see too many familiar faces which causes me to back away from all of my priorities and party like there's no tomorrow, and quite frankly, I'm tired of the whole bit. The only thing that I can say that I am going to miss is my immediate family and my girls - my true girls - you know who you are. 

It's probably going to take some time for me to transition into a cali girl and the whole idea of living somewhere so far from home makes me cringe. But I know that this is something I have to do for myself -  it can't be about anybody else, besides i'll always be a jersey girl at heart. 

 

I'm not sure how long I plan on living there, it could take years for me to get my life back together, but i'll visit and then there will always be trips to Cali. for the girls which will be awesome =] I'm a little scared of change, but I am sure I'll be fine. 

& as for family issues, I am still having the worst relationship possible with my mother and my stepfather is still a very hard cocaine addict/pervert. This also fuels to the fire that's raging inside of me and pushing me even further away from them -  hence the whole moving situation to California. I honestly can't wait until I leave. I have like two more months and then it's adios amigos. I can just feel that I will be such a happier person - a much more sane person at that. 

But yeah I hope you enjoyed this readers; gimme some feedback too. thankies. 

I see you KID VIC. lols; love you bunches -  forreal though. 

Ciao! 

x o x o 

- Iris

today

so today my sisters got into a fight. -__- smh. it was over the stupidest thing ever i swear. but when it comes down to it; its all an authority issue. everyone wants to be in control, but no one wants to show respect. that's an issue all in it self. how can someone expect to be respected if they don't respect anyone themselves. today was also the day that our president, mister barack obama was sworn into presidency. =] how can such a great day in history be like nothing to my family. i cried because of how overwhelming the whole situation is, and here my family is, acting as if this isn't a big deal and like fighting is more important to them. it just makes me so mad.

h man, i heard a very racist comment from a pig today. [cop] as i was explaining to him why my sister was fighting [yes it got that far that we needed the authorities] i had mentioned how i was upset because i was going to miss the inauguration; and he's all oh why do you wanna watch it anyway? because it's a brother? oh man, i wanted to spaz on him, he's lucky he's a cop man. but i handled it like a lady and just said, no, not because he's a brother, but because i beileve he can grant us the change we need. but isnt that like the worst thing, a fucking racist cop? people make me so sick you know? why does it matter what color baracks skin is? we are all in this for the same outcome am i right? and besides it kills me how people fail to realize that he's HALF WHITE! news flash worthless mindless bacon assholes.

i feel better.

but congratulations barack obama. i hope you live up to all of our dreams and all that you promised us. i am sure you will.
and as for mys siters, they'll be alright. even though my little sister did go in on my older sister. ;]

god is love and remember he makes no mistakes.

new years was the bomb diggy

new years was awesome;